Ostomies and Intimacy

intimacy with an ostomy

Being intimate with an ostomy can be incredibly daunting especially if it is with someone new or not long after surgery. Today is Valentine’s Day and whether you make a big thing about it or not you can often feel like it is made into a way bigger deal than it needs to be! Here are a few of my tips and tricks that I have read about or tried and tested for ostomy intimacy! Oh er!

I have like many people had my own worries when it came to my ostomy but thankfully for me I managed to work through them with 00Steve but I understand that isn’t that easy for everyone. Some of my issues around intimacy were:

  • My bag flapped about too much
  • My bag scratches me
  • My stoma made noises
  • I worry my bag will leak
  • I sometimes get a cramp like pain where my bowel kinks and it really kills the mood!
  • Sometimes I am just more aware of my ostomy than other times

So on to my intimacy tips and tricks!

  • I wear a waist band from Comfizz, but there are many different varieties out there you can try. This one doubles up as hernia support wear! Which is perfect if you do have more of an active time.
  • There are crotchless knickers for women and if I am perfectly honest I don’t see why a guy couldn’t get away with wearing boxers and using the fly – just a thought!
  • Trying different positions as some may cause more discomfort than others.
  • There are literally hundreds of fancy underwear sets or outfits if you so are inclined.
  • I make sure I empty my bag before anything happens as I am terrified of pooping on my husband!
  • Talking to your partner is probably the single most important piece of advice I can give you because they may have worries of their own that could be as simple as, “Will I hurt you if I do that?”
  • You could change to a “mini” sized bag so the bag is less of an issue as it is smaller than your usual one.

What things would you recommend to ostomates who are worried about intimacy after surgery, or indeed a new partner?