Intimacy With A Stoma Blog Series - 3 of 5
The emotional side matters most (we covered that in our first two posts). But a little practical planning can completely transform your confidence.
Before Intimacy: Your 5-Step Prep
1. Empty or Change Your Pouch
A freshly emptied or changed bag removes the worry about fullness, weight, and leaks. This is the single most recommended preparation step.
2. Time It Right
Your stoma is typically most active 1–1.5 hours after eating. Planning intimacy for a quieter window, first thing in the morning, or well after a meal, makes a real difference.
3. Wear Something That Makes You Feel Secure
A Comfizz 5" waistband is slim, soft stretch fabric, and very discreet, many ostomates say wearing one during intimate moments transforms their confidence. Support briefs, boxers, and our thong briefs do the same job for intimacy without full intercourse. .
4. Consider a Smaller Pouch
A smaller closed "mini" pouch or stoma cap can feel less intrusive during intimacy. Ask your stoma care nurse what options work with your system.
5. Keep a "Just in Case" Kit Nearby
A spare pouch, wipes, and a towel by the bed. You'll probably never need them, but knowing they're there removes the "what if" entirely.
During Intimacy: Positions That Work
Side-by-side (spooning)- keeps weight off the abdomen. The bag sits to one side, out of the way.
Partner on top - lying on your back means no pressure on the bag.
Seated or semi-reclined - comfortable and gives you control over angle and pressure.
Pillows - use them to cushion the stoma area or provide support.
What's Safe?
- Sexual activity will not hurt your stoma. It has no nerve endings and doesn't feel pain.
- The stoma should never be used for sexual intercourse. It's a delicate surgical opening.
- If something doesn't feel right, stop and adjust.
Physical Changes to Be Aware Of
For women: Pelvic surgery can sometimes cause vaginal dryness or altered sensation. Waterbased
lubricant helps immediately, and pelvic physiotherapy can address ongoing discomfort.
For men: Erectile difficulties can occur after pelvic surgery due to nerve involvement. This can be
temporary or longer-lasting — and there are effective treatments. Talk to your doctor.
🩺 Don't Suffer in Silence
If you're experiencing physical difficulties with sexual function, your stoma care nurse, GP,
or surgeon can help — and they've heard it all before.
Your Quick-Reference Confidence Checklist
❤️ Have the conversation — name the fears, agree your pace
❤️ Empty or change your pouch just before
❤️ Avoid the 1–1.5 hour window after eating
❤️ Wear a waistband or support brief for security
❤️ Keep a spare pouch, wipes, and towel nearby
❤️ Use water-based lubricant if needed
❤️ Try side-by-side, partner-on-top, or seated positions
❤️ Be kind to yourself — perfection isn't the goal
📖 More In This Series.
← How to Talk to Your Partner About Intimacy [Blog Post 2]
→ Body Confidence After Stoma Surgery [Blog Post 4]
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